Talking Monogamy Blues By Cory Silverberg,

Think about a relationship you've been in in the past, or one you're in right now. Thinking of that relationship, consider the following questions:

• Have you and your partner made a clear agreement about whether or not you will have other sexual partners while you're together?
• Have you had sex with someone else while you've been together?
• Do you think your partner has had sex with someone else while you've been together?

How long did it take you to answer each question? Were the answers right there, or did you have to think about it?

Now imagine your partner answering the same questions, alone, knowing that you will never hear their answers. Do you think you know what your partner would say? How sure are you about their answers?

In a study, published last month in the Journal of Sex Research, titled One Love: Explicit Monogamy Agreements among Heterosexual Young Adult Couples at Increased Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections 434 couples were asked to participate in an exercise just like this. The couples were all young (between the ages of 18 and 25), heterosexual, and about half of them had been in their relationship for less than twelve months.

The findings, like all quantitative data, aren't necessarily generalizable, but they sure do raise a lot of questions. Here are some of the results:

• In 33% of couples, one partner reported they had a conversation about monogamy, while the other partner reported they hadn't.
• Among couples where both partners agreed on whether there was a conversation, 56% said they had a conversation and 10% said they didn't have a conversation.
• In 40% of the couples one partner reported there was an agreement to be monogamous while the other reported there was no such agreement.
• Among couples where both members reported there was an agreement, 58% said the agreement was to be monogamous, while 2% said the agreement was to be non-monogamous.

It shouldn't be surprising that people don't always keep their commitments to monogamy. After all, even employment contracts can be renegotiated once a year. Whether or not it's true to say that we might be more monogamous if we at least talked about it, you can bet that by not talking about it, we're ensuring conflict and confusion.

So I wasn't particularly shocked to find out that in more than half the couples, at least one member either broke a commitment to being monogamous or believes the other did.

But the very first statistic I cited above was one that gave me pause, and seems particularly rich. One third of couples couldn't even agree on whether they had talked about monogamy. This isn't about whether they were being monogamous, or not being monogamous, it was a simple question about whether or not they had ever talked about it. Maybe not so simple.

What Counts as Cheating?

This is one of those questions that most people have an answer to for themselves, whether or not they've ever thought about it much. One of my favorite answers to this question was a single, blunt, word: swallowing. Most people will reference either a sexual activity or an intention, others consider desire to be cheating (as in, "if they want someone more than they want me, they might as well be having sex with that other person").

One of my great frustrations is that most of us don't talk to other people about what we consider to be cheating, and thanks to the deeply entrenched concept of compulsory monogamy we often don't even talk to our partners about it. As a result many people think this is a question with an obvious answer, when in truth it's a question with almost infinite answers which vary from relationship to relationship.

The one constant we might find in all answers is that you're cheating when you've broken the rules. And when we're talking about cheating on a partner, we're usually talking about rules in the context of a romantic/sexual committed relationship.

Which means that if you want to know what counts as cheating, the only people who can answer that are the ones in the relationship. In rare relationships people are up front with each other and discuss the rules before someone has a chance to break them. Most of the time people don't do this. And sometimes they may think they are talking about relationship rules, but later discover that there wasn't a mutual understanding about what was being talked about.

So instead of adding to the already overwhelming (and often inane) chatter on the Internet about spotting and dealing with cheaters, I thought I would share some of the questions that you could be asking yourself and your partners that may help you come to an answer that reflects your own values, beliefs, and desires for your relationship.

Keep Reading: What Counts as Cheating?

One of life's great truths: Women often say one thing but mean another. Here's your translator.

Read between her lines...

"I'm between relationships."

"I'm interested, but I haven't made up my mind." She's put up a wall with an open window, says Eve Marx, author of Flirtspeak.

Your play: Ask her -- and her gal pals -- to a BBQ. Winning over her friends will bump her off the fence and into your arms.

"I've been dying to see that movie."

"Ask me out." Any unsolicited desire she expresses about a movie or a new restaurant is often an invitation to ask her out, says Narissra Carter, Ph.D., a communications professor at Texas Tech University.

Your play: "Me, too! Want to go?" Then brandish your PDA and set the date.

"I have a boyfriend, but he lives in Rome."

"I'm taken, but I might consider a change." Her qualifier turns a typical brush-off into a possibility, Marx says.

Your play: Ask her to help you shop for a tie. She'll fill a void in her relationship by helping out with an errand. She may miss the mundane intimacy more than she misses Rome boy, and you'll be on deck.

Andropause - Male menopause - Symptoms - Causes - Diagnosis - Treatment Read more: Andropause - Male menopause - Symptoms - Causes - Diagnosis - Trea

Andropause is the male equivalent of female menopause. It is generally characterized by a decline in sexuality and energy due to the decreasing level of male hormones, such as testosterone.

Are you a middle –aged male whose enthusiasm is slowly waning and whose middle name is ‘irritable’? Take care- you could be on the threshold of ‘Male Menopause’!

We all know about the female menopause but how many of us have heard of andropause, considered by some as the ‘male menopause’?

‘Mid-life crisis’ is the euphemism of choice that is used to refer to the symptoms of a ‘waning’ male. Today, it has been widely accepted by the scientific world that males encounter ‘andropause’- a term that refers to the paucity of vital male hormones. This, in turn, leads to an array of symptoms -from feeling ‘blue’ to low libido.

Andropause refers to the biological changes that men in mid-life experience; some like to compare this state with the female menopause. These changes are not universal and males continue to reproduce well into their old age.

'Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.' - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Actually the term ‘male menopause’ is something of a misnomer, because ‘menopause’ implies that the reproductive ‘machinery’ comes to a grinding halt. But it is important to know that such a ‘shut down’ occurs only in females. Males, however, may experience bouts of impotence.

Andropause was first described medically, in the 1940's, but was not accepted by the medical fraternity until recently. The term, ‘andropause’ is not recognized by WHO and its ICD-10 medical classification

Approximately, 25 million American males aged between 40 and 55 years are currently experiencing the symptoms of andropause.

During Andropause, the levels of the hormones testosterone and dehydroepiandrosterone are diminished. As a consequence of this drop, the individual may experience -loss of concentration, low energy levels, fatigue, change in attitude, depression, low libido, and mood swings. Even healthy males experience these symptoms. It is not clear if hereditary factors, enviornment or lifestyle are associated with andropause.

Research reveals that low testosterone levels also predisposes an individual to health problems, such as heart disease and osteoporosis

Andropause was an ‘under diagnosed’ and ‘under treated’ health condition. Today there is a lot of improvement in understanding and managing this condition. Simple blood tests diagnose this disorder. Treatment is carried out through Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).

Read more: Andropause - Male menopause - Symptoms - Causes - Diagnosis - Treatment http://www.medindia.net/patients/patientinfo/andropause.htm#ixzz1Or0Eio8L

Top Ten Sex Tips for Men

At any given second, 4,000 people are having sex in the world. So ‘knocking’ is the most happening or ‘rocking’ thing in the world. Sex is not all about doing it in the bed. The three attributes that can help you in building an effective relationship with women include - your caring nature, communication skills and your confident attitude. ‘Lusty talk’ during sex can help to stimulate women even more. Tease her and make her feel desirable and you are sure to give her orgasm even if your performance is below par.

1. If you sweat during sex don’t worry – sweating men ooze testosterone and it is a biological turn on for women.

2. During sex keep the room warm rather than cold. So maybe turn off the air-conditioner if necessary or turn it on low. Heat causes dilatation of blood vessels and more swelling of the penis and vagina and flushing of the skin. Heat makes you ‘flush during sex.’

3. If you want your girl to become pregnant make sure you give her a big orgasm. The chances of pregnancy increases because contraction of pelvic muscles during orgasm help the sperms move up the vaginal canal and fertilize the eggs.

4. If your girl has a headache and you have no pills available give her a big orgasm and this can relieve her headache. Sex is known to cure headaches due to release of morphine like pain killer substances in the brain called endorphins.

5. Big orgasm also requires you to indulge in some foreplay. Gently touching, stroking, sucking and licking your partners nipples, thighs, vagina and clitoris are sometimes enough to start the orgasm. Keep the big act for the end.

6. Stimulate her clitoris with your fingers by gently fondling with the area. Remember the sensory nerve fibers have the highest concentration around the clitoris followed by labia, and the outer third of the vagina.

7. Find her G-Spot – G-spot stimulation can give a woman a big orgasm. It is usually located in the front section of the vaginal wall between her vaginal opening and the cervix. Use finger to stroke the front portion of the vagina and during intercourse the best way to stimulate her G-spot is insertion of the penis from the back. If the G-spot and clitoris are simulated simultaneously the women is likely to have ‘one hell of a orgasm’ that she is unlikely to forget.

8. Early morning sex is also a great option if you are tired in the night. You can get extra help from the surge of Testosterone in the morning. Blood levels of testosterone are highest just before dawn and are 40% higher than in the evening.

9. Keep you ‘But’ in shape - Buttocks of a man are the most admired part of a man’s body by women.

10. Age is not a factor for sex as much as it is for women. Studies show that even if you are over 70 years the chances of your being potent is over 73%. Actor Anthony Quinn fathered a baby at the age of 81 years.

Two Million Brit Men Suffering From Low Libido: Study

A new research has found that around two million men in Britain are suffering from low testosterone levels.

The condition is associated with a range of symptoms, including reduced sex drive, impotence, loss of energy, depression, weight gain, memory loss, irritability and night sweats.It was previously thought that only two per cent of men over 50 were affected. But new research shows 20 per cent of the 10 million men in the UK over 50 are likely to have Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome, according to Dr Malcolm Carruthers, medical director of the Centre For Men's Health in London's Harley Street.

"It is astonishing that this most common hormonal disturbance in men, which can wreck their lives, is the least commonly treated," the Daily Express quoted him as saying.

"The condition can be difficult to diagnose because the overall level of testosterone in the blood is often within so-called normal limits.

"In my experience this makes many doctors reluctant to accept the idea," he added.

Woman Woman books hookers for partner to ensure loyalty:

A woman, who was worried her partner would cheat on her because of her low libido, has revealed she booked prostitutes for him so that he would be sexually satisfied and stay faithful to her.

Tia, 29, decided to let her partner Gary, 28, sleep with prostitutes after reading about the many celebrities who cheated on their gorgeous wives and partners.Gary from Sevenoaks, Kent, who has been with Tia for three years, found the change in their sex life hard and became frustrated.

"My libido started to lag about a year ago because I was doing three jobs as a cleaner, shop assistant and caterer," the Daily Star quoted her as saying.

"When Gary and I first met our sex life was amazing. We would have sex at least twice a day, wherever and whenever we could. But in the past year my libido has completely disappeared.

"I knew Gary wasn't getting as much sex as he wanted and I was worried he would go and have an affair. The last thing I wanted was for Gary to leave me and find someone else.

"You read about all these celebrities and footballers who cheat on their wives and the thought terrified me so I came up with a plan that worked for us both," she revealed.

So in May 2010 Tia approached Gary with her idea. She would allow him to sleep with prostitutes in order to satisfy his sex drive.