God's good gift

The 2009 rain down troubles into my life in many ways and needless to say that God seemed to me as a cruel puzzle maker who watched me dispassionately. He was not allowing a small voice of peace into my mind. I was trying hard. I was craving badly but it all seemed futile.

One day, while passing from a market place I show a book - “Get off your knees and pray.” by Sheila Walsh (bestselling author and women of faith speaker). I found the title of the book interesting (probably because of my situation) and out of strong desire to see how the authoress felt about the presence of God when she was low, down, hurt. angry,and numb.

What she has to say about her experience? At the end of the book, does she feel God really exist? Does she have faith after facing the hardship of life? Does she feel God hear us and with any means comes to us to help us or give solace to our wounded heart? I really wanted to know.

I purchased the book and go along with the book for nearly fifty page. This book was well written. I was feeling good but I found it hard to give my undivided attention over the book. Each time I was diverted by my unpalatable situations. My questions were still disturbing me but one thing came in my mind while reading this book that we all have our own crosses to bear, no one is left away.

I feel probably somehow the cruel situation became bearable while having faith on God, while feeling that at the end of the tunnel there is a light, everything will come to normal.

I read the book while skipping pages so to end the book fast but suddenly I read a unbelievable line:
“I still pray but it’s something automatic, and I’m not even sure I still believe in it.... Because I’ve suffered and God didn’t listen to my prayers.” by Paulo Coelho.

He is my all time favorite writer and I have read almost all his novels and such a sentence from such a man I can not dream off.

Indeed life spares no one. Every one has got to be trapped in the web of difficulties of life. And even to my favorite writer was no less untouched.

Paulo Coelho, a writer whose books cast his strong faith on God and His mysterious presence in our life's at different levels that sometimes we see and many time it just remain unseen.

We can see in books like: The alchemist, The Birda, The Pilgrimage and many other novels and articles collection books- Like a flowing river.

Honestly speaking I was shocked by his this line.

But soon I was in middle of my troubles, thinking what can I do now? Things were very confusing. Who was actually trying to help me at that point of time seemed difficult to analyze then. My mind was so full. I was looking for a peaceful space.

I was understanding that I was needing someone very badly.

At home I am the youngest so through out my life I never get the time to face problems over my head and this was no exception. I failed to balance myself. Of course my mother was with me but still I can’t shear everything with her. I had one option to call my elder brother from Mumbai to help me, who was trying to crave his own niche in film industry but it was too painful to ask him to leave all your matter there in the middle and come home, I need you. I was not agreeing at this issue.

Days were passing like years.

In the meanwhile, I was writing letters to one of my net friend on Brazil, nearly everyday. It was a moment when I was with all my raw emotions, piled-up frustrations, and my hatred against God at my such situation. Needless to say that she was shouldering my worst mood and trying to keep me positive.

I think she is the God’s good gift to me.

If now anyone asks why I was writing to her? And what help I was trying to get from her? I could daresay – “no idea.”

But I can definitely say that – “Real relationship demands intimate dialogues.”