16 million women married to gay men in China: Expert

BEIJING: An estimated 16 million women in China may be married to homosexual men, "silently suffering" the consequences to sustain their wedlock, a leading Chinese expert claimed today.

Prof Zhang Bei-chuan from Qingdao University, who researches on AIDS and HIV, said that about 90% of homosexual men marry because of pressure to follow traditional values prevalent in the country.

"But their wives are struggling to cope and their plight should be recognised," he was quoted by the state-run China Daily. About 16 million women in China may be married to homosexual men, he claimed.

Xiao Yao, a 29-year-old magazine editor in Xi'an, Shaanxi province, divorced her gay husband in 2008.

"Most gay men's wives I've known are silently suffering at the hands of husbands who could never love them, and like me, some even got abused by husbands who were also under great pressure," she said.

She runs a website which has 1,200 such women registered as users and says it "makes them feel they're not alone and empowers them to make the right choices."

However, the gay community is split on the claim. "Zhang's estimation is unsubstantiated and I even feel it's pointless to research the issue," Xiao Dong, a 36-year-old gay, who heads a civil organisation for HIV/AIDS prevention and control, said.

"To put gays' wives under the spotlight might cause more public misunderstanding or even hatred toward the gay population, which does not help defuse existing social discrimination against them," he said, while adding that the question of marriage is complicated for them.

However, Meng Lin, a 50-year-old gay from Beijing, believes that Zhang's estimation is reasonable.

"I myself almost married a woman many years ago, but finally gave up when I learnt I was HIV positive," he said.

"Gay men and gays' wives are both victims of social discrimination and stigma, so we should not simply blame one party," he added.

Wang Zi (name changed) said that he would never tell his parents the truth and while he does not want a heterosexual marriage, he would consider it so as not to hurt the feelings of his parents.

"I may marry a lesbian and we can keep going with our own lifestyle more honestly," the 27-year-old said.

17 tips for healthy hair and skin

Cosmetologist Dr Rekha Sheth shares her tips for healthy hair and skin.

- Remember that the most important factors that decide the quality of your skin and hair are your genes and family history, your nerves and emotions, and your immune system.

- Use an appropriate face wash meant for your skin type and wash twice a day.

- Use cleansers at night to remove make up and dirt before using a face wash.

- Use sunscreen everyday even if you are indoors - the sun's UVA rays come through windows too and contribute to aging, pigmenting and tanning. Ideally, sunscreen should be applied every three hours.

- Sunscreen should have an SPF of 30 or more. SPF is the degree of protection against UVB rays, hence sunscreen must have UVA protection as well. The usual UVA protection ingredients are Avobenzone, Titanium dioxide, Zinc oxide, Mexoryl and Tinosorb.

- Make up products like foundations, mineral powders and compacts do not have adequate sun protection.

- Indian skin tends to tan and pigment easily and patchily. There is a very thin line between tanning and pigmentation. If your tan hasn't gone in 4-6 weeks, see a dermatologist.

- It is advisable to use mild skin lightening creams as prevention. Look for botanical ingredients like Arbutin, Bearberry, Licorice, Mulberry, Ginseng, Gingko, Emblica, Turmeric - curcuma, Grapeseed and vitamins like C and A, and Niacinamide.

- Aging can be intrinsic, i.e. genetic, and can be delayed by exercise and, to a lesser extent, through diet. Extrinsic factors include increased UV intensity, increased pollution as well as stress. All these factors tend to dry the skin and make it more prone to pigmentation and aging. Hence it is important to start caring for your skin in your teens.

- Extrinsic factors produce Reactive Oxygen Species (ROS), which are naughty oxygen molecules that damage the cells and make them age faster. Anti-oxidants neutralise these ROS.

- At night, use a moisturiser with an age-protecting agent.

- For younger skin, look for ingredients with antioxidants like vitamins C, E or a whole range of botanicals like green tea, grapeseed or pomegranate extract, curcumin, etc. You might also like to look out for the following: Genistein, ECGC, Resveratrol, Idebenone and Coenzyme Q10 or CoQ10.

- Kitchen ingredients like fruits do not work.

- For older skin, look for the following ingredients: peptides, vitamin A and derivatives like retinol and other retinoids, Alpha, beta and polyhydroxy acids.

- Exfoliation should be done with extreme caution and only with modern bead exfoliators. Avoid granular scrubs as these tend to damage the skin microscopically, which can lead to slow, insidious and patchy darkening.

- It is advisable to visit a dermatologist at least once a year. There are a lot of nuances in skin colour, texture, smoothness, etc. that we can't see for ourselves. These can be detected by the dermatologist and mild creams/treatments can be recommended.

- Always use a conditioner after you shampoo your hair. It protects your hair and is a better option than oil. Conditioners neutralise electrical charge in the hair shaft and help in detangling. Conditioners also improve shine and to some extent repair minor frays in the hair shaft. Conditioning agents like hydrolized protein or silicons are added to increase manageability and shine in the hair.

Beware of office flirts, they do it out of boredom

LONDON: Women, beware of office flirts, as they might be doing so because they are bored of their job and lacking in sensitivity, psychologists say.

A survey of about 200 people carried out by a team from the Surrey University in the UK found that office flirts had lower levels of job satisfaction, suggesting that rather than being a sign of passion their amorous behaviour could be down to ennui.

A follow-up study found that men who flirted at workplace had lower levels of "emotional intelligence" or understanding of other people's feelings.

The second study also indicated that women who flirted at work were happier in their jobs, but researchers said the result could have been a fluke, the Daily Telegraph reported.

The researchers set out to test the theory that flirting could improve people's chances of being promoted at work. Dr Adrian Banks, who led the study, said: "What we found was the complete opposite. Flirts don't perform better at work and men who flirt are less satisfied with their jobs. There is strong evidence against that notion that you can flirt your way to the top."

The team then conducted a second survey to establish whether men who flirted at work were different from their peers in any way.

'Romantic ties are driven by women'

In a romantic relationship, it's the woman who takes the lead by relentlessly pursuing her man with phone calls and text messages, a new study has found.

But, once they reach middle-age their interest switches to a younger woman, presumed to be their daughters, who become old enough to have children, according to the analysis of 1.95 billion cell phone calls and 489 million text messages.

The study, published in the journal Scientific Reports, also shows that men call their spouse most often for the first seven years of their relationship, and then they shift their focus to other friends.

Think positive, keep heart healthy

Positive feelings may help keep your heart healthy (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Positive psychological characteristics such as optimism, life satisfaction, and happiness appear to reduce the risk of heart attacks, strokes and other cardiovascular events, a new study has found.

The study conducted by Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH) researchers is the first and largest systematic review on this topic to date.

"The absence of the negative is not the same thing as the presence of the positive. We found that factors such as optimism, life satisfaction, and happiness are associated with reduced risk of CVD regardless of such factors as a person's age, socio-economic status, smoking status, or body weight," said lead author Julia Boehm, research fellow in the Department of Society, Human Development, and Health at HSPH.

"For example, the most optimistic individuals had an approximately 50 per cent reduced risk of experiencing an initial cardiovascular event compared to their less optimistic peers," she said.

In a review of more than 200 studies published in two major scientific databases, Boehm and senior author Laura Kubzansky, associate professor of society, human development, and health at HSPH, found there are psychological assets, like optimism and positive emotion, which afford protection against cardiovascular disease. It also appears that these factors slow the progression of disease.

To further understand how psychological well-being and CVD might be related, Boehm and Kubzansky also investigated well-being's association with cardiovascular-related health behaviours and biological markers.

They found that individuals with a sense of well-being engaged in healthier behaviours such as exercising, eating a balanced diet, and getting sufficient sleep. In addition, greater well-being was related to better biological function, such as lower blood pressure, healthier lipid (blood fat) profiles, and normal body weight.

If future research continues to indicate that higher levels of satisfaction, optimism, and happiness come before cardiovascular health, this has strong implications for the design of prevention and intervention strategies.

"These findings suggest that an emphasis on bolstering psychological strengths rather than simply mitigating psychological deficits may improve cardiovascular health," Kuzbansky said.

The study was recently published online in Psychological Bulletin.

Why time flies while on holidays?

LONDON: Ever wondered why holidays past so quickly than usual, but remain so memorable? It may be due to the different methods your brain uses to judge the passage of time, scientists say.

The phenomenon, called the holiday paradox, is linked with our perception of time and how it is affected by the number of memories we form, the researchers said.

Learning to manipulate our perception of time could make our lives feel fuller and reassure those who feel that the years slip by faster as they grow older, psychologist Claudia Hammond said at the British Psychological Society conference in London. London,

According to Hammond, when we are doing something new and interesting -- such as when we are on holiday -- time appears to go more quickly than when we are bored or anxious.

But when we look back retrospectively, our assessment of time is based on how many individual new memories we built up during that period, she explained.

In a normal fortnight the average person only accumulates between six and nine new memories because so much of what we do is routine.

But on a holiday we can build up that number of memories in a single day because everything we experience is new, meaning that when we look back it will seem to have lasted much longer than it really did, the Daily Telegraph reported.

"The same happens as we get older and time starts to speed up. There are fewer memories of new things, and we do the same things more and more often," Hammond said.

People who complain that years seem to whizz past with increasing speed could slow things down by making the most of their weekends and breaking up their daily routine, she added.

"Taking a different route to work, getting off your bus a stop early or avoiding having the same sandwich for lunch every day could make life seem a little slower," she noted.

AFFAIRS WITH MARRIED WOMAN

getting into a deep relationship with married woman

I think anybody who sees the title will snigger at it openly may be in the presence of others or his peers to "keep up his gentleman image" but when alone will come back to this hub to read it to know "what it says ?". The curiosity itself suggests its popularity but not many have the guts to own their weaknesses or likes and dislikes. Usually "l'affaire" means it is understood that it is a "skeleton in a man's cupboard" If this is the case with men think about women who get into this kind of relationships

I would like to talk about men having "affairs with married women" - so one point is clear- there is no question about the man's marital status and that plays no role here too. Generally women are very careful and cautitious when they get into this kind of relationships which are "generally not acccepted by the society as acts that decent cultured women do" I hope you will agree with me on that.

If one gets into a real statistics we will find out that there are more number of married women get into extra marital relationships than married men. Yes its true. Marriage is a gamble and anybody can be the loser. We are not sure who is the person who is going to rock the boat.May be because I am a woman I can think of marriages from a woman's point of view. I know the pot holes where a woman loses her balance and ends up in a relationship which she knows that if it comes out it will be an eruption of emotions.

It's not that this piece is going to be totally "feminine oriented" but a slight prediliction for women.I can't help it because after all I am a woman you see. Actually when women get into affairs there is definetely a strong reason behind it because they know for certain that this is not the right thing to do. They also know that once the matter leaks out their reputation will become a question mark even among her peers especially her children to whom she is answerably socially, morally and emotionally. Knowing all these if a woman gets into an affair then you should realize that she must have been driven to it. If you drive a woman mad against the wall then the only option left to her is jump over it -though it may be morally and socially wrong.

I think that with every marriage "sexual or physical attraction" wanes away as time passes and children come in and a sort of boredom creeps in . This mainly happens with women who has a lot of money to blow and has nothing concrete to do.Such women are generally social butterflies and regular party goers where they can easily hook a man of their choice. Again in this case too some women would prefer it to be just a "fling" with no strings attached to it and this case is very very safe for men who develop a short lived romance with these women.

But when we make recess into a woman's mind especially a woman who has got into a serious relationship with a man and that to with the husband around you must really understand that there is definitely a strong reason behind this relationship. No intelligent would like to jeoparadise her blissful married life with kids unless other wise this relationship gives her the comfort that she cannot get from her spouse. This is the first and foremost factor and I am sure a good majority of you will accept my point.

"Fraility thy name is woman" said Shakespeare and seldom does he fail in etching female characters. Yes women are fragile and what is wrong in being fragile - after all we are the ones who created this world of men and women by asking Adam to eat that fateful apple. We want to be loved, caressed, cajoled with hugs and kisses all the time. These are not silly things but are physical manifestations of love. Love has several languages and one is of course the physical attraction. Every woman likes to be pampered in one way or the other and why deny her that?

The last thing a woman can tolerate from her marriage is indifference. Even minute things whether this color suits her or not , whether the trinkets go with her dress or not do matter to her. And my question is why should it not? No dictionary in the world says "marriage is for producing babies" and this can be done without marriage too if the couple prefers to lead a bohemian way of living.

It is indeed ironical that the man who gets involved with married are unknowingly getting into a quagmire from which they can never extricate themselves. FIrstly a married woman getting into a relationship with another man ( adulterous relationship) must be headstrong and knows what she wants and how to get it too. If it is an ordinary fling also means that it is going to bite into the man's purse and parsimony is the last thing a girl friend accepts in a man. Another danger is married women once they get into a serious relationship with a man will cling on to him, become possessive about him ( again an emotionally danger signal) and does not allow him out of her sight even for a while and tries to keep him tied to her apron strings. Things become worse if the woman develops a kind of committment toward the man because she will expect the man to reciprocate the same emotion and feelings.

And this actually becomes the breaking point because there is a difference of commttment level between a man and a woman. A woman's committment toward anything or anybody is nearly cent per cent whereas you cannot expect the same level from a man. This is not a criticism but just that they are made that way. When the relationship reaches this crucial level women tend to go to extreme steps like getting addicted to alchohol, smoking or abusing sleeping pills or may plunge into a deep depression.

My suggestion is a favor I am asking everyman all over the world. Never have flings- it may be fun for you but it is a serious affair for a woman. Never go to the level of physical relationship with a married woman because for you it may be "just one more" but for her a moment she would cherish for her life time. Never play with a woman's emotions becuase for you it is just a joke but for her it leaves a deep dent which can never be filled by anything except your life which is not possible when you are not married. Beware of married women -do not barge into their lives please.

'Simon had sex with me eleven times in one night': Former glamour model Alicia Douvall is first Cowell kiss and tell... but who's next?

Former glamour model Alicia Douvall has stepped forward to reveal she had a six month affair with music mogul Simon Cowell - and once ended up having sex with him 11 times in one night.

By giving an explosive interview the model, famed for her penchant for plastic surgery, became the first woman to turn the tables on Cowell, by doing a kiss and tell on his private life.

Douvall said she decided to come forward about their illicit affair after being effectively missed out of Cowell's unauthorised biography Sweet Revenge.

Revealing all: Former glamour model Alicia Douvall has opened up to reveal she is one of Simon Cowell's former flames - and claims they once had sex eleven times in one night

And she's gone into in depth detail about their time in bed together during a candid chat with The Sun today.

Glamour model: The single mum met Simon in 2001 and reportedly slept with him for six months before he tired of her like an 'old toy'

Alicia, who first met Cowell at a hotel bar in 2001, told the paper: 'On the third of fourth date we ended up doing it 11 times in one night...

'We started having sex and went on through the night. We slept a little bit in between but only for a few minutes.'

The 32-year-old also spoke out claiming the TV judge liked her to dress 'really tarty' when they went out on dates.

And she claims he liked to rate her bedroom performances as if he was on the panel of one of his talent shows.

She added: 'Every time we had sex he would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be an improvement next time.'

But her relationship with the 52-year-old music mogul reportedly ended around six months later when Simon tired of her like an 'old toy'.

And she soon became his 'Ten to Eleven girl' when he'd ring her at around 10.50pm if he was ever lonely on his own at night.

Alicia, who has previously dated Simply Red's Mick Hucknall and actor Dean Gaffney, said she has had sex with Cowell about five times since they parted ways.

And she has insisted she's not surprised his engagement to Mezghan Hussainy has fallen through because he always told her he wasn't the 'marrying type'.

Her revelations come in the same week an unauthorised biography about the music boss has started to leak.

Investigative journalist Tom Bower has written the tome, titled Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell.

A week of scandals: Simon has faced a number of claims about his private life this week since an unauthorised autobiography was revealed and alleged he's had an affair with Dannii Minogue

Claims have been made that he had another affair with former X Factor judge Dannii Minogue as well as a woman named Lisa Forward.

The 41-year-old single mother said she felt betrayed by Cowell after claims in the book that he dumped her for being rubbish in bed, when they dated over 20 years ago.

Lisa told the Sunday Mirror:'Let's get this straight... I never slept with Simon. I am deeply hurt by the way I have been portrayed in this book.'

It also claimed his ex-girlfriend Sinitta had dated his younger brother Nicholas before he got together with her.

Earlier this week, Simon spoke of his embarrassment over the book, but critics have claimed the media mogul knew exactly what he was doing when he invited Bower into his life.

He told TMZ Live that he feels 'not gentlemanly at all' as details of the yet-to-be released book continue to make headlines.

He also claimed it is not his style to 'kiss and tell' but had spent some time with Bower and added: 'When you are with someone for a long time, they do get stuff out of you.'

Cowell says he decided to let Bower have personal access to him after taking advice from his pal Bernie Ecclestone, who was also the subject of an unauthorised Bower book.

MailOnline has contacted Simon's representative to comment on this latest report.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2133417/Alicia-Douvall-claims-sex-Simon-Cowell-times-night.html#ixzz1spZ8utoM

The do's and don'ts of office romance

Given the amount of time we spend at work, it is little wonder that many people find their passion and excitement in the office.

One in three people has a romantic liaison with a colleague and 28 per cent of British working women say they have had sex in the workplace.

But secret trysts in the boardroom and chance encounters in the lift can bring misery as well as intrigue to your working day.

Whether you're already romantically involved at work, or just thinking about it, here's how to be ten steps ahead of heartache - and unemployment.

Leave him if he's married: You will win very little support for your relationship and you run the risk of his wife/girlfriend turning up at the office with a large tin of paint for your car.

Relationship psychotherapist Phillip Hodson says: 'It's not a crime to fancy someone but when there are families or other halves involved, you have to think of the consequences.'

Flirt discreetly: Discretion is the key to a successful office romance. Brushing past someone or a stolen glance over the photocopier is far more enticing than draping yourself over his desk.

Also, people are watching. Subtle flirting allows you to maintain your professionalism and keep an air of mystery between you and your object of desire.

Anticipate responses: Misreading the signals can be disastrous. Is he smiling at you, or does he smile at everyone? Be aware that many people put on a 'friendly' mask at work.

You risk huge embarrassment and possibly your job if you proposition the boss and he doesn't know who you are. Do the groundwork and if you think he's interested, build up a friendship. It will improve your chances for a long-term relationship.

Decide whether to confide in colleagues: If you don't want to be a regular feature of office gossip, it might be best to tell a few close colleagues about your romance. That way people lose the intrigue and friends won't feel excluded. On the other hand, be aware that workplace relationships can incite jealousy.

Think carefully about sex in the workplace: It's all part of the package of an office romance but if you don't want your cloakroom exploits broadcast at the Christmas party, look out for security cameras.

It's better to save the passion for after-hours.

Monica and Clinton: the ultimate office affair

Watch your appearance: Don't try too hard to catch his attention. It only takes a bit more lipstick and a slightly shorter skirt for people to start talking. If you don't want colleagues to suspect your motives and to avoid malicious comments, keep your look understated.

Be careful with e-mails: Hit the wrong key and the whole building will know how you like your strawberries and whipped cream. It's likely that your company can access your e-mails anyway so be cautious.

Beware of company law: Although there are no specific laws that prevent office romances, your company might have its own policy.

Richard Isham, an employment lawyer at Wedlake Bell Associates, says: 'Office romances are usually frowned upon because of the issue of confidentiality.

For instance, a company would be worried if the head of IT was in a relationship with another employee. Important security information could be transferred during pillow talk. Allegations of misconduct can be made.

Firms could also argue that office relationships encroach on company time and disrupt the office environment. Some employers will expect you to change departments. Read your contract thoroughly.'

Ask him to marry you: According to research, half of all workplace romances result in marriage. Try not to seem too eager though. It's wise at least to ask him out before you ask him down the aisle.

Make sure you're the only one: 'With any office romance' says Phillip Hodson, 'you've got all your eggs in one basket - you're very vulnerable.'

If you're going to risk your career, friends and livelihood then make sure he's worth it. If you know you're not the first office conquest - steer clear.

Worse, if you didn't know, give yourself time to cool off. Don't sit there plotting a Lorena Bobbit-style revenge whilst weeping uncontrollably. Talk about it after work with friends or family.

by CHRISSY HARRIS, femail.co.uk
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-34402/The-dos-donts-office-romance.html#ixzz1spYVwfFj